When we were kids making friends was easy for the most part, I distinctly remember being friends with a girl because her name was Deborah too, we had the same earrings and we were in the same class. This to us was the recipe for forever friendship… we are no more than Facebook friends now which is basically forever friendship right??
Things have obviously changed, the high school provided a more structured form of friendship that while there was genuine connection took less work because we were all stuck in the same building for 7 hours a day 5 days a week, so you kinda had to talk to each other. You most likely lived close to each other too so then you’d walk home together or hang out together- again- because those 7 hours were obviously not sufficient enough to say all the things you had to say for the day.
however, there are some things that happen to your friendships when you start adulting
People Change
This is not a bad thing it’s just a fact of life. Think about it, initially everyone is stuck in the same high school, in the same town, and for the most part, have very similar experiences. Then everyone moves away and discovers new interests and you suddenly find yourself not knowing what to say to that person you used to spend hours with or maybe not wanting to say anything at all and this is not a bad thing. People drift apart and there is a season for everything and everyone. It doesn’t have to be sad, just the end of a chapter that you can always look back on fondly and recognize that it has run its course.
Best friend becomes hard to define
As your friendship circle grows or shrinks you find yourself drawn to people that are completely different from each other but somehow you manage to have really strong friendships with these people. Things are not so black and white anymore you just start to have favorite activities you’d rather do with one person than the other but it doesn’t mean you love your other friends any less
You won’t talk to each other every day
Way way back in day – in 2005- when MSN was still a thing, you finished school, got home and hopped on MSN messenger where the conversion went something like this;
Me: Hey (Insert ridiculous amounts of smiley faces here)
Friend: hey
Me: What’s up?
Friend: nm u?
you know why we were able to do this every day? because quite frankly we didn’t have lives. Our only problems were the 3 math questions we had for homework and that was it. In the world of adulthood where people have things to do, bills to pay, work, classes to go to and other things that they might genuinely enjoy you just can’t talk to everyone all the time. Not talking to your friends every day is not a bad thing as long as you do keep in touch regularly-ish. and when you guys do get together it’s like there was never any time apart and you fall back hopefully into great conversations and good times.
It takes work
Since you won’t talk every day it becomes important to not let the business of day to day life prevent you from growing and maintaining your friendships. It won’t be as effortless as walking down the hallway to their dorm or classroom, you’ll actually have to make time for it.
Reach Out to people
Because of everyday life like I said earlier, you will lose regular contact with some people and other times you will lose complete contact with others and you might find yourself missing their friendship and company. I know the thought process of worrying about reaching out to old friends ” I don’t want to say anything, it might seem really random”. “what if I send the message and they have a WTF? reaction”. Let go of the fear and just do it, they may surprise you by being more willing to catch up than you expected and if they are not receptive that’s a chapter in your life that you can close without having to wonder what if
You’ll Have to ask the tough Questions
Let’s face it your twenties are a time of confusion, and anxiety mixed in with excitement, and learning about yourself but in the midst of this, you’ll have to take stock of the people in your life. Are the people you surround yourself with negative? do they uplift you and encourage you? At the same time are you there for them when they need you? You need to ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself because sometimes we might not be as good of a friend as we think we are and the person we are struggling to hold on to might be doing more harm than good.
Deb
What changes have happened to your friendships in your twenties?
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